In the Calm of the Night

Today was a long day, actually it has been a long week. But today, today was the hardest. Skye is sick with a cold, nothing serious, but enough to make her short tempered and hard to reason with. Hayden, my usually placid, happy ray of sunshine had his 4 month (yes I said 4 month!) needles and whilst he took the whole process in his stride, as the day wore on, he was only going to be quiet if I was holding him. After a week of feeling like I just couldn't do enough, for enough people, quickly enough, my energy was spent. I had nothing left to give and I found myself counting down the clock, willing the day to be over.

I really hate to feel like that.

I hate feeling like I am just going through the motions.

I hate feeling ungrateful.

Today, I had a moment of ear popping rage that made me want to shout loud screamy swear words at Mr Bond so badly, for no other reason than I was worn down. But with one child finally asleep and the one likely to repeat my loud sweary words sitting right next to me, I held my tongue.

Just.

Now, as I sit in the quiet calm of the night, finally alone, able to breathe deeply for the first time today, the weight has lifted and my mind has cleared.

Today wasn't really so bad. Yes it was tough, but sometimes I think I expect too much.

Of course Skye is cranky and over sensitive, she is miserable from all the coughing and spluttering. She just wants her mummy, like everyone (including me, still) wants when they aren't feeling well.

Sometimes I forget she too is still very much a baby.

My first baby.

Of course Hayden wants to be held. He got two needles and a live vaccine this morning, it's completely normal for him to be feeling clingy. If this is my idea of him being difficult, I have a lot to be thankful for.

Now, with the lights dimmed and the TV low, I can remember feeling similar resentment at the constant needing when Skye was Hayden's age. The incessant physical contact, the round the clock alertness to duty, the feeling that as much as others may offer to help, it ultimately is on me to look after things. Only this time, I have the benefit of knowing how quickly the intensity of that dependence fades and how much I will miss it once its gone.

Now, with everyone sleeping soundly, I can recall that today I made Hayden laugh his first laugh, and the way his face lit up when he realised what he had done. I can recall that today Skye came home from Preschool beaming that she had made some new friends after weeks of saying that the other kids wouldn't play with her. I cannot tell you what a relief it was to hear the excitement in her voice.

Now, as I sit in the calm of the night, I realise that today, all my children asked of me was a little extra love, and if that's all they really needed, then today was a pretty good day after all.

Toilet Training Progress Report

Worst.

Post title.

Ever.

The fact is there is NO toilet training progress. 

We are at the same stage of toilet training now that we were 5 months ago and frankly the cost of Pull Ups is sending us broke. 

Skye will happily drop a dooce in the toilet unprompted and I am eternally grateful to not be dealing with THAT in a 3.5 year olds nappy. But the idea of weeing anywhere other than a Pull Up or knickers just escapes her. You would think she would be sick of having wet ankles by now. I know I am entirely sick of mopping up piss.

I am not blameless in this predicament though. I have never pushed the issue because there was always something else going on and right when I probably should have made a more concerted effort, we decided to move house, bring home a new baby and send her to preschool. The last thing I wanted to do was cause stress or anxiety and the timing was always off.

I keep hoping that if I put her in knickers for the day she will stop relying on the little amount of absorbency Pull Ups provide and realise that the mess running down her leg is rather unpleasant and she would be better off getting to the toilet.

Apparently not.

At the moment Skye does not so much as even pause when this happens, but will continue to sit, soggy and smelly, going on with whatever activity she is too busy to tear herself away from.

I will ask her if she needs to wee, I will insist that she sits on the toilet even if she does not think she needs to, I will read books, sing songs, offer bribes, threaten toys, implement reward charts, you name it, I have probably done it.

It's quite possible consistency is the issue...

Some days we will go accident free and as long as I remind her regularly throughout the day, she will comply. Then the very next day she will simply refuse to go near the toilet and so the power struggle begins all over again.

I am seriously kicking myself I didn't force the issue more before we had Hayden. Even a placid, sleepy newborn takes up enormous chunks of my day that keeps me from the task at hand.

Was your child difficult to toilet train? 

Am I going to have to cling wrap the lounge?!?

The Joys of Building Your Own Home #sarcasmfont

You know going into building your own home that it's not going to be a straight forward process, but the heady promise of getting your dream home just the way YOU want it quickly drowns out the 100s of horror stories you are told by everyone from your closest friends (helloooo Clever Baker Friend!) to the random lady sitting next to you at the hairdressers. 

Yeah, yeah, it's complicated, and it will cost way more than we first thought, but it will so worth it in the end. 

It can't seriously be that bad or people wouldn't keep doing it, and doing it more than once (kind of like child birth really).

How else are you going to find the house you really want?

You only ever hear the bad stories, these builder's must get it right occasionally or they wouldn't still be operating.

Blah. 

Blah. 

Blah.

Well Hello There Baby Bond!

Oh hi there! Long time, no post huh? 

Sorry about that.

But as you probably already know, I have a pretty good excuse for my absence...

Little Hayden Derek arrived on December 13th 2012, weighing 8 pounds, 8 ounces (3.86kgs for those who prefer metric) and 52cms long. His birth was not quite the straight forward and by comparison, easy labour that Skye's was. But he has been trying to make it up to me ever since by being the sweetest, snuggliest (totally a word) and most settled baby I could have hoped for.

With that being said, there is still that sense of being hit by a truck that is the first weeks with a newborn. The period where days simultaneously drag and fly past in a haze of cracked nipples, 3am feedings and a rather insane number of dirty nappies.

A good night's sleep, versus a rough one.

Not to mention the older sister who is still adjusting to no longer being the centre of the known universe.

But there is an awful lot of cuteness too.

I have missed my little blog and have had about a thousand post ideas running through my head, but in the interests of my own sanity and not wanting to inflict a whole bunch of waffling, senseless posts on you, I have been choosing sleep over pretty much anything else lately. 

I will be back, I will share more than just the sporadic upload to Instagram, and I will get back to reading all the other wonderful blogs I have lost touch with, but right now I am just too busy soaking up that new baby goodness while I can.

I'm sure you all understand x

Happy 3rd Birthday Skye!

Today my baby girl turns 3.




The first day we met seems like a lifetime ago and only yesterday all at once. Nothing seems to mess with your sense of time more than having babies.




I was so relieved to make it through the first year I didn't feel sad to be losing "my baby". As her 2nd birthday neared I was taken aback by how quickly she had become a toddler and wondered if I was capable of handling all the joy and frustrations of that stage.




But despite weeks of planning and prepping for her party last weekend, realising that having a 3rd birthday party meant that Skye was actually going to be turning 3 hadn't quite hit home until just now.

Being up to your ass in printables and zucchini slice will do that to you.

More on that later in the week.

I know Skye isn't going to be dramatically different today than she was yesterday, the growing up itself is gradual, but somehow officially reaching that milestone makes things feel different.




I am noticing what a big girl she is becoming and it excites and scares me seeing her grow. She settled into sleeping in a big bed like it was the most natural thing on earth. One night she was sleeping in a cot, the next she was in a new house in a new bed without so much as a question mark.




I knew that independent streak would start to work in my favour eventually.

Then there is the talking.

So. Much. Talking.

How is it even possible that someone so small has that many things to say?!? It doesn't always make sense and there are days when I tell her to stop talking simply for the chance to hear myself think, but the headaches are far outweighed by the convenience of her being able to express her wants and needs clearly. Even when those wants or needs are in direct opposition to my own.

There are days when Skye's testing of the boundaries completely overwhelm me. Particularly now I am so exhausted and lacking in any kind patience. But the more I get to understand her will, the more equipped I feel to guide her choices.

Right now Skye's whole world revolves around pussycats, unicorns and My Little Pony's.

There is no such thing as too much pink.

Any attempt to dress her in another colour is met with the matter-of-fact statement "that's not very cute".




I am learning to pick my battles and clashing prints and Minnie Mouse ears just aint one of them.

From the first week of Skye's life she showed signs of her independent, strong willed personality. It continues to blow me away that someone so little can have such a big personality, almost like she still has to grow into it. But I hope that self confidence stays with her as she gets older and she continues to bless us with her cheeky, sunny, loving ways as the milestones keep flying by.

Happy Birthday my beautiful Skye, I am so thankful you chose me to be your mummy x

Preparing for Baby Number 2

It's amazing how much a little experience can change the way you approach things and never is that more true than when you are preparing for the arrival of a new baby. I don't believe that I went overboard when preparing for Skye's arrival, but I would absolutely say that my priorities this time around are very different indeed.

While I was pregnant with Skye, I spent an excessive amount of time scrolling through post after post on Apartment Therapy searching for ideas for the perfect nursery. Probably the only thing that really kept me from going all out (aside from the money factor) was the fact that we didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl. It meant that I had to restrain myself when looking at clothing, bedding, toys, wall decorations and all that other fun stuff that has nothing to do with actually having a baby, but was my biggest fixation the first time around.

Prior to Skye's birth I did not even own a single Wondersuit. 

They horrified me.  

I could not think of a more daggy, boring item to dress my gorgeous new baby in than a towelling all-in-one whose design had not changed since before I was born. Besides, Skye was a Summer baby, what the hell would I need a Wondersuit for?

The second day in hospital in arctic frost air conditioning quickly changed my mind and I discovered they had the added bonus of making a newborn far easier to hold, velcro like even. A safety feature that cannot be underestimated when you are a sleep deprived first time parent.

Seriously, Who Let That In The House?

It has been a journey of discovery packing up this house. The things you uncover from the depths of cupboards, things you don't recall ever acquiring and you sure as hell don't ever use. Worst of all, despite your total lack of interest or purpose for these items you are compelled to keep them on the off chance that someone will remember they gifted it to you all those years ago and be deeply offended that they found their way to the donation box, or better yet, the garbage truck. 

So instead I am going to out them on my blog and hope to hell they don't get the email update for today.

I have talked before about my issue with acquiring ugly things before, sadly that dinner set is still with us, waiting patiently in a storage container for the time when it can taunt me with it's useless obligation once again. Since then however, I have discovered even uglier and even less useful items skulking around in my cupboards.

Now I know the question on everyone's lips since I posted it on Instagram before the  move is "What the hell is that wooden phallus on a plaque about?!?!" In case you missed it, I would be referring to this...

Do you really want me to caption this?

No Internet For You!

Tomorrow is the big day.

MOVING DAY.


It's going to be manic to say the least. What kind of dickhead books the removalist for 7am anyway? Oh, wait. That would be me...

Balls.

Did I mention that Mr Bond is working on Moving Day?

Double Balls.

Or maybe minus balls if we want to get technical.

Oh, and it's invoicing and pay run day today too.

Fark.

So today, in between overwhelmed meltdowns, I will be frantically packing the 80% of the house I have not been able to pack until now, thankfully with the help of my mum, who is going to suffer the full brunt of my delirious, random ramblings.

I must remember to send her some flowers once we get settled.

Anyway, the whole purpose of this post was to let you know that I have made the appropriate arrangements to have all of our utilities etc connected and most will have little to no downtime, with the exception of our Internet, which I was, until yesterday, blissfully unaware would not be available until at least next week.

How I am going to keep you all updated with the progress of our move now?!?

An exceptionally first world problem I know, but unsettling none the less.

It's probably a good thing though since I should have my full brain capacity back by then and you will be spared any more of my incoherent nonsense!

You know you are excited about my return, if only to find out what the hell this is.



On that note, have a great weekend and I will see you all when I am rebooted x

Goodbye Little Home

I've made my fair share of complaints about our home since starting this blog. The lack of space, the too close for comfort neighbours, and of course, my total disdain for my kitchen. But now that it is time for us to move on to bigger and better things I can't help but feel a little sentimental. There are a lot of wonderful memories in this home. 

Our first home. 

Before

After