Seriously, Who Let That In The House?

It has been a journey of discovery packing up this house. The things you uncover from the depths of cupboards, things you don't recall ever acquiring and you sure as hell don't ever use. Worst of all, despite your total lack of interest or purpose for these items you are compelled to keep them on the off chance that someone will remember they gifted it to you all those years ago and be deeply offended that they found their way to the donation box, or better yet, the garbage truck. 

So instead I am going to out them on my blog and hope to hell they don't get the email update for today.

I have talked before about my issue with acquiring ugly things before, sadly that dinner set is still with us, waiting patiently in a storage container for the time when it can taunt me with it's useless obligation once again. Since then however, I have discovered even uglier and even less useful items skulking around in my cupboards.

Now I know the question on everyone's lips since I posted it on Instagram before the  move is "What the hell is that wooden phallus on a plaque about?!?!" In case you missed it, I would be referring to this...

Do you really want me to caption this?

Things That Go Splash In The Night

Mr Bond has a rather unfortunate after-party trick that he brings out more often than anyone would like. After a big night out, he is likely to need to get up and use the toilet. Nothing out of the ordinary there, but apparently too much beer plays havoc with his internal GPS, which means that more often than not, he does not arrive at his intended destination. Instead, he makes use of outdoor pot plants, built-in wardrobes and on one particular occasion, our kitchen bin (which has since been replaced). The worst scenario is when this happens at someone else's (carpeted) house. After almost 12 years I have come to expect this and have developed a plan of attack to reduce the likelihood of awkward apologies the next morning. Sometimes though, my best laid plans fall short and when that happens I have to resort to vigilant surveillance. 


Like last weekend.