Extreme Couponing

Move over Real Housewives of Everywhere, I have a new series linked obsession. Actually it's a bit sad, but I am hooked.

Extreme Couponing. 

It's pathetic and embarrassing and I love it.

If you have not yet had the pleasure, the show basically follows an "Extreme Couponer" as they prepare and execute a massive shopping trip armed with a folder or box crate full of neatly clipped and itemised coupons. The aim of the game is to get as much as they can, for very little out of pocket expense. It doesn't really go into how these people are able to amass such large numbers of coupons, although some have been known to climb into recyling waste bins...

You also get to see their personal "stock pile" of free or heavily discounted items lining the walls of their homes. Paper towel seems to be a popular item, as is deodarant, sports drinks, tooth paste and cereal. Obviously items with a long shelf life are the most desirable.

But its the suspense of the checkout that really has me sucked in, the whole process is rife with potential hiccups.

Did they count out exactly 700 toothbrushes?

Will all of their coupons scan correctly?

Is the checkout chick going to lose her shit at having to spend 3 hours serving 1 anxious, hyperventilating tightarse?

Edge of your seat stuff I tell you.

I find myself cheering for the reductions and marvelling at the savings. 

How on earth do they do it? 

How did they just buy $1,000 worth of groceries and the store owes them money?

What the hell are they going to do with 94 packets of croutons? 

Most importantly, why don't we have couponing in Australia? 

I think I would be good at it. I have couponing nerd written all over me. Nothing gets me more excited than a spreadsheet of promised savings. I have even put one together to track our spending before. Not to mention the meticulously labeled and ordered folders that you need to keep it all organised.

Yep, I was made for couponing. Get me in there!

As much as the show amuses me, if I let myself think about it too long it actually is a little bit depressing. I think it's great that families are able to recover from financial hardship using this system, but I can't help but worry about the sheer compulsive consumerism of a 16 year old boy proudly displaying his shelf of feminine hygiene products that he just had to get because they were free. The same kid that complained he had to go 5 weeks without couponing because his inconsiderate bastard family took him to Mexico for a holiday. 

And I don't care how good the sale was, I cannot see a reason why I would need a 50 year supply of the same crappy roll on deodarant sitting in my garage. Variety is the spice of life people!

Still, it kinda leaves our 2 Helga loaves for $6 for dead doesn't it?

Being a Mum is so Glamourous

For the last month or so Casa De Bond has been plagued by a steady stream of Preschooler illnesses. Amongst the normal winter sniffles we have also dealt with Hand, Foot and Mouth disease, the flu, conjunctivitis and worms. 

Fun times.

The actual illnesses have not been that severe, but due to their highly contagious nature, it has been a terrible inconvenience to our social life. Not to mention my sanity as I have had to essentially quarantine myself with 2 small children whilst we wait for the latest bout of cooties to pass.

The constant trips to the chemist are a bit painful too.

Case in point, today. 

Skye's Preschool had informed us of a case of worms at the centre and although Skye was showing no sign of being affected, I thought that it would be best to be prepared so we called into the chemist on the way home. I had a few other things I needed to grab while I was there, but thought it would be simple enough to breeze in, pick up my supplies and be on my merry way. However having never had to deal with this particular issue before, it was necessary to ask the staff for some guidance, especially if we needed to treat myself or Hayden.

Not being able to even find the worms section, I gave the assistant on the counter a run down of what we needed and she went over the back to ask the pharmacist. 

The young, fit and not entirely unattractive pharmacist. Which in itself should be illegal. 

He, of course, needed more information, but rather than come out from behind the dispensary to discuss our options, he decided to enquire, in a rather loud voice, if I also required treatment. 

Thanks for that.

I'm fairly certain I squirmed in a way that would suggest I did in fact need a dose before managing to blurt out err, no, it's just in case at this stage. PREVENTATIVE.

The need for shouting was not helped by Skye standing at my side repeatedly asking for jelly beans. 

Because apparently that is the only reason anyone goes into a chemist. 

Flustered by entirely too much conversation about such a revolting topic and the incessant sound of my darling daughter in full pester power mode, I finally turned my attention back to her only to discover she had been busily throwing the packet of super overnight maxi pads I had placed on the counter up in the air to help emphasise her demands. 

Sigh.

Motherhood is so glamourous.

Have you ever had a mortifying moment in the chemist? 

Do you think there are professions where attractiveness can be inappropriate?

 

The Simpsons Are Not The Ideal Parenting Tool

Remember the episode of The Simpson's where Reverend Lovejoy's daughter, Jessica, comes home, steals the Collection Plate money and leaves Bart to take the blame?

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Ok, so if you're not an obsessive fan like me, this should still make sense.

Who You Gonna Call? Mouse-Busters

There's is a mouse in our house. Actually there is a couple. I don't know for sure where they are getting in, or why they are coming in to start with, I just know they are freaking me out and I would very much like it if they would just bugger off already. 


Meet my Chief Mouse Hunter, Bundy.

Pump It - Louder!

No, this is not another post about my neighbours, the pump I am referring to is that of the pumping iron variety, as in a Pump class. I attended my first in about 3 years this week and let me tell you, I felt every damn minute of my hiatus. Even more so in the days following. What on earth possessed me to even go to a Pump class after such a long time? Simple, I felt like a change, well, that and I had a seminar to go to later in the week that interfered with my normal program. After all, it's just one class, piece of cake, right? Who knows, I might even enjoy it.

Buns of Crazy Image Credit

Oh Give Me Land, Lots of Land... Or Some Ear Plugs

As the house hunting continues and our wish list seems to grow longer by the day it is starting to seem like we will never manage to find the 'ideal home'. One of our deal breakers that is currently creating a problem with many potential new homes is our need for a large yard with side access and a oversized shed for all of Mr Bond's Man Cave paraphernalia. Blocks here are pretty small and houses tend to take up most of the block. Low maintenance, but a little too claustrophobic for my liking. 

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Why Won't You Go To Bed???

Bedtimes are a real struggle here at the moment. Nothing seems to work, warm baths, dimmed light, keeping the house quiet, but no matter what I try, I am met with resistance and bedtime is becoming later and later each day. Of course, late bedtimes mean grumpy mornings and very long days of crankiness and constant eating. 


But despite my best efforts,  it seems I simply cannot go to bed at a reasonable hour, and I am exhausted!

Things That Go Splash In The Night

Mr Bond has a rather unfortunate after-party trick that he brings out more often than anyone would like. After a big night out, he is likely to need to get up and use the toilet. Nothing out of the ordinary there, but apparently too much beer plays havoc with his internal GPS, which means that more often than not, he does not arrive at his intended destination. Instead, he makes use of outdoor pot plants, built-in wardrobes and on one particular occasion, our kitchen bin (which has since been replaced). The worst scenario is when this happens at someone else's (carpeted) house. After almost 12 years I have come to expect this and have developed a plan of attack to reduce the likelihood of awkward apologies the next morning. Sometimes though, my best laid plans fall short and when that happens I have to resort to vigilant surveillance. 


Like last weekend. 

The Top 10 Symptoms of 'Toddler'

Recently I have been struck down with a condition referred to in medical journals as Tiny Tornadoistis, but it is most commonly known as 'Toddler'. Symptoms may be mild or extreme depending on each individual case and can last for months or even years. There is no known cure for 'Toddler', but the condition will usually resolve itself in time. If you suspect that you, or someone you know is suffering from 'Toddler' here is a quick reference guide for the top 10 symptoms to look out for.

What do you mean you don't like my outfit?

Failures Of An IT Graduate

Some of you may have seen on Facebook last week that I was having issues with my old laptop. Actually my 'old' laptop was only purchased in December 2010 at considerable expense, so I was not at all happy when the hard drive decided it didn't want to play anymore. Fortunately I was able to back everything up onto an external hard drive or there would have been some serious problems. It was my now fault really, I had only said the week before that I was planning on upgrading to a Mac at the end of the year but wanted to  wait until we were a bit more financially prepared, especially since we would need to change over all the accounting software etc as well as the initial purchase price. I should have known if I said it out loud I was screwed and sure enough, last Sunday morning I got the Blue Screen of Death and decisions needed to be made.

Very Tempting Image Credit

Tag I’m It!

Milina over at Little Red Vikings has tagged me in the latest bloggy tag game and asked me to answer the same questions she responded to here. I like joining in on these ones because the questions are usually a good combination of intriguing and random so you get to find out a little bit more about the person behind the blog, in one easy-to-read post. So to keep things nice and simple I’m just going to jump right in and get on with the questions.

Describe yourself in seven words

Impatient, happy, tired, shopaholic, fit, fun, procrastinator

What keeps you up at night?

• All of the things I meant to do today, or forgot to today and won’t get a chance to do tomorrow.
• Where I am going to put Skye’s ever growing toy collection.
• Why am I still awake? I have to be up again in xxx hours, I should be asleep!!!
• Should we put an offer in on that house?
• The latest half written blog post that just struck me as I was getting into bed.

I Went To The Big Day Out And All I Got Was A Giant Flashing Phallus

This year Mr Bond and I celebrated Australia Day by going to our first ever Big Day Out. I have always wanted to go but for whatever reason (money, breastfeeding, sold out, bad lineups) never managed to get there before now. This year Soundgarden was one of the headline acts and keen to relive a bit of my angsty teenage grunginess I just had to be there. Excited would be an understatement.

Happiness Is… Being Back At The Gym

Even if it does make me look like this.

Dora the Explorer AKA Toddler Crack

We have a bit of a dependency problem in our house right now and it’s far worse than any dummy issues we have had. Dora the Explorer has infiltrated my home and taken hold of my innocent little girl. At the moment, I am at a loss as to how to overcome the problem. Actually I don’t know how it even got to this point, it just kind of crept up on us and now we are dealing with a pretty serious addiction to the big-headed demon with the purple backpack.

Dora stop f*%cking around and get a GPS Image Credit

The Sleep-in Stand-off

It’s 7am, I am sleeping peacefully when I hear the familiar call from the front bedroom “MUMMY!, MUMMY!, MUUUUUM!”. I freeze, hoping that if I don’t move it will just be a false alarm, if I wait just a little bit longer she will notice the pile of books at the end of the bed and amuse herself in her cot so I can drift back to sleep. Just another 10 minutes and I will be ready to start the day, please, just another 10 minutes. Suddenly, I remember that Mr Bond is on holidays. He is an early riser, surely he won’t mind getting up, especially since he went to bed about 3 hours before I did last night. But I must remain completely still, if he realises that I am already awake, it’s all over.

I Thought We Were Friends

Beer and I have always had a pretty good relationship, a reliable old friend that helped me relax after a long day. We have shared countless celebrations and milestones together and beer has never felt threatened when I strayed for a bottle of wine or bubbly or wanted to bring a little tequila into the mix. This arrangement has worked for us for a number of years without so much as a raised voice so to have beer turn its back on me so suddenly, and right before Christmas, has come as quite a shock.

In happier times

Raiders Of The Lost Wardrobe

Last week I talked about the amount of ‘gifted’ items we have cluttering up the house and how I struggled to get rid of these items despite them taking up space and remaining completely unused. With the holidays approaching and the likelihood of extra guests coming to stay I have felt the need to do a bit of a clean out and this week I am focussing on our built-ins. After a quick assessment of my clothes I was able to throw out a whole garbage bag of ugliness I was never going wear again and there is more to come, but I couldn’t resist the chance to share some of the pieces I pulled from the depths of my wardrobe.

Bye-bye dagginess!

Batman? I Could Take Him (and my first GIVEAWAY!)

Batman probably thinks he is pretty tough with his cool car and six-pack suit, but I doubt all his special powers and tricky gadgets would be any match for a feisty toddler. In fact, I am willing to bet just 1 afternoon with a 2 foot tyrant would be enough to send him running back to the bat-cave so Alfred can pour him a drink and run a nice hot bath. You see, as impressive (and often attractive) as a Superhero is, their powers are really limited to dealing with people with bad make-up and silly hair. Besides, when was the last time you were threatened with a ray-gun? 

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Confessions Of A Magazine Addict

As the title suggests I have a bit of an obsession with glossy lifestyle magazines. I can keep my habit under control for most of the year but come Christmas time I simply cannot say no. The colourful front covers draw me in with promises of bumper gift guides, cheap and chic gifts to make and bake, festive flair tips and how I can decorate like the experts. I want to dive into the pages of these publications and immerse myself in all the shiny freshly painted fabulousness. As I pour over the stockists lists and curse why so many of the stores are rather inconveniently located in Melbourne, I store the images in the ‘one day’ file in my head.

I bought these in the space of 2 days.

Tending the Garden

With all the talk lately about #looblogging, 30 day sex challenges and body love, it is only natural that conversation turns to the matter of personal grooming, or lack thereof in some instances. For the sake of privacy, I will keep my sources under wraps, but what I can tell you is that following a rather enlightening conversation I discovered there was a pretty wide range of ideas when it comes to lady garden maintenance. Some have given up all hope of keeping things controlled while another is so anti overgrowth she gets her husband in on the action (for purely quality control purposes of course).

I guess it’s no different to people’s preference for styling the hair on their head. Some people like a mullet, some a full afro, some are skinheads and some still cling to the Mohawk, hoping one day it will be cool again. There is a general consensus though that sideburns are seriously uncool both on the face, or sprouting from your bikini. Rats tails of any kind should be banned entirely.

Not Bikini Friendly Image Credit