Wednesday, 14 March 2012

The Top 10 Symptoms of 'Toddler'

Recently I have been struck down with a condition referred to in medical journals as Tiny Tornadoistis, but it is most commonly known as 'Toddler'. Symptoms may be mild or extreme depending on each individual case and can last for months or even years. There is no known cure for 'Toddler', but the condition will usually resolve itself in time. If you suspect that you, or someone you know is suffering from 'Toddler' here is a quick reference guide for the top 10 symptoms to look out for.

What do you mean you don't like my outfit?

  1. You find stickers in unexpected places - like on your feet, in the middle of a Pilates class
  2. You can tell time by the programs on ABC2 - if Playschool is on, you are running late!
  3. You hear voices - generally telling you they are hungry, smelly, or bored. Repeatedly.
  4. You repeat the same task many times in one day - often wondering if you had already vacuumed the lounge this morning, or was that yesterday? It can be difficult to determine if you have ever performed this task based on observation of your surroundings
  5. You experience strong cravings for wine at 10am
  6. You spend 20 minutes every morning looking for your keys - but can lay your hands on the Sacred Toy of the Moment in two seconds flat
  7. You understand the term 'Sacred Toy of the Moment'
  8. You carry an emergency packet of Tiny Teddies in your handbag
  9. You experience heart palpitations when approaching a checkout with Chupa Chups because you know your refusal to purchase will result in a stage 5 meltdown
  10. Every item in your fruit bowl has already been sampled

Sheep has fallen and can't get up
Have you experienced, or currently suffering from 'Toddler'? Share some of your favourite remedies with me, because right now I feel a little like the poor sheep, and since its 10am, I am ready for a wine!

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