In the Calm of the Night

Today was a long day, actually it has been a long week. But today, today was the hardest. Skye is sick with a cold, nothing serious, but enough to make her short tempered and hard to reason with. Hayden, my usually placid, happy ray of sunshine had his 4 month (yes I said 4 month!) needles and whilst he took the whole process in his stride, as the day wore on, he was only going to be quiet if I was holding him. After a week of feeling like I just couldn't do enough, for enough people, quickly enough, my energy was spent. I had nothing left to give and I found myself counting down the clock, willing the day to be over.

I really hate to feel like that.

I hate feeling like I am just going through the motions.

I hate feeling ungrateful.

Today, I had a moment of ear popping rage that made me want to shout loud screamy swear words at Mr Bond so badly, for no other reason than I was worn down. But with one child finally asleep and the one likely to repeat my loud sweary words sitting right next to me, I held my tongue.

Just.

Now, as I sit in the quiet calm of the night, finally alone, able to breathe deeply for the first time today, the weight has lifted and my mind has cleared.

Today wasn't really so bad. Yes it was tough, but sometimes I think I expect too much.

Of course Skye is cranky and over sensitive, she is miserable from all the coughing and spluttering. She just wants her mummy, like everyone (including me, still) wants when they aren't feeling well.

Sometimes I forget she too is still very much a baby.

My first baby.

Of course Hayden wants to be held. He got two needles and a live vaccine this morning, it's completely normal for him to be feeling clingy. If this is my idea of him being difficult, I have a lot to be thankful for.

Now, with the lights dimmed and the TV low, I can remember feeling similar resentment at the constant needing when Skye was Hayden's age. The incessant physical contact, the round the clock alertness to duty, the feeling that as much as others may offer to help, it ultimately is on me to look after things. Only this time, I have the benefit of knowing how quickly the intensity of that dependence fades and how much I will miss it once its gone.

Now, with everyone sleeping soundly, I can recall that today I made Hayden laugh his first laugh, and the way his face lit up when he realised what he had done. I can recall that today Skye came home from Preschool beaming that she had made some new friends after weeks of saying that the other kids wouldn't play with her. I cannot tell you what a relief it was to hear the excitement in her voice.

Now, as I sit in the calm of the night, I realise that today, all my children asked of me was a little extra love, and if that's all they really needed, then today was a pretty good day after all.

Let's Catch Up

It's been so long (over 2 months in fact) since my last post, I honestly don't know where to start. While I shared the most important news with you yesterday, there has been plenty of other things happening or waiting to happen at Casa de Bond that are worthy of a mention. For simplicity and attention span's sake, photo bullet points are probably best for this exercise so here is a brief list of what's you may have missed while I have been AWOL:

Holy Shit, I’m 30?

Today I am turning THIRTY, yep, the big 3-0. Until last night it didn’t really bother me, I mean it is only a number and I know that today isn’t going to be drastically different from yesterday, but still, there is something significant about moving out of your twenties and into the official adulthood of your thirties. Who am I kidding? I have been living the life of a responsible adult for many years already. In fact, all things considered, I probably didn’t do anything particularly outrageous in the whole last decade! Even so, getting a 3 at the front of my number has made me reflect on what I have done with my life so far and looking forward, what I still hope to achieve. All-in-all I am pretty happy with where I am right now and feel that I have quite a lot to show for my time so far, so here’s cheers to the last 30 years!

Surely it’s 5 o’clock somewhere?

Is There Ever Any Satisfaction With Now?

In my short time being a mum I have found that no matter what age your child is, people are always commenting on what lay ahead. Any remark you may make regarding your child’s behaviour or developmental milestone’s is met with some variation of “that’s nothing, wait until they are xxx, then you will be in trouble”. I find it frustrating that they seem unable to simply celebrate or in some cases sympathise with the situation we are living right at that moment. When I was enjoying the thrill of seeing Skye crawling for the first time, I didn’t want to be deflated by someone saying “it won’t be long now and she will be running around” as if the crawling itself was not enough. When I was up through the night with Skye cutting her first teeth, the last thing I wanted to hear was how horrific the molars will be. It wasn’t that I was in denial of the future, but the stages come so quickly already, the thought of what would be happening 6 – 12 months from now was more than I could cope with. Having said that, I am guilty of it too, but I still don’t understand why we do it. Is it because people want to shift the focus onto themselves and their own expert opinions? Is it just human nature to drive a child’s development? Or is it a reflection of the instant gratification culture we now live in? No matter what the case may be, it seems that right now is never good enough.

Returning To Real

Mr Bond returned to work today after 3 weeks of holiday’s. I will miss having him home all day and not just for the opportunity to steal a sleep-in, it was great having the time together as a family again after him being away for so long. But there is something about everyone being on holiday that plays havoc with my need for structure and routine. I don’t know what day it is so I miss things which makes me feel unproductive. This week everything will return to its normal, rightful places, Skye will go back to swimming lessons and day care, my regular gym classes will recommence, mum will make her weekly visit and with any luck, Skye will stop fighting me on day and night sleep times.

The Summer of…Me!

Gemma at My Big Nutshell is one clever lady, she has decided to reclaim her right to her own summertime fun this year and even better she is encouraging others to share their plans for staking a bit of ‘self’ in the blur of Christmas celebrations and kids activities that we face when the weather warms up. I am especially excited about the idea as this summer will be the last months of my 20s so I feel it is an important reminder for me to not lose sight of myself and what I love just because I am also a mother and a wife.

Pre-baby summers

 

Being Polite and Acquiring Ugly Things

Fighting the clutter is a constant battle for many of us, no matter how regularly we do the big clean out, the ‘stuff’ just continues to creep in. The new stuff isn’t what I have trouble getting rid of though, it’s the older stuff that has been hanging around for years, not being used but can’t be disposed of because of the obligational attachment. Case in point is a dinner set that has been passed down to me. It has been sitting in the same box in the top of my wardrobe for the last 6 years, in fact this week was the first time I have even looked at it since I first received it. The whole set is in excellent condition but it is a brown floral 70’s nightmare and I quite simply can’t imagine myself ever using it.

Almost this ugly Image Source

Why I Chose Staying at Home Over Paid Employment

This week I was suppose to go back to work, full time work, after 2 years of Maternity Leave. Thankfully I had the courage to stop procrastinating and tell them of my intentions to not return, then, once a simple email confirming this in writing was sent, I was officially out of the workforce. No thanks for coming, no sorry to see you go, no good luck, nothing. I guess after 2 years they don’t really notice I am not there so why would they say anything? If anything they were probably expecting it. I am happy in my decision, I doubt I would get much satisfaction out of the job now, and it would only take me about a week to remember all the little things that use to drive me crazy. Like, you know, all the work stuff. Although I am a little annoyed that I won’t get the Christmas Hamper this year and will have to buy my own ham! 

Partying For A Good Cause–Girls Night In

We all love to get together with our girlfriends and enjoy a few drinks and some great food, even better if there is as chance to buy a new handbag while you are there and the purchase of that handbag could help cure cancer. Pardon? Yes, buying a new handbag could help cure cancer. Is that not the best justification for getting tiddly and splurging on some impulse purchases you have ever heard???  It doesn’t have to be wine and handbags, it could be a book club night, pamper treatments, yoga or battling it out on Singstar, the choice is yours as long as you are raising money for women’s cancers with the Cancer Council’s Girls Night In.

Grateful For… Taking A Break

If you blinked you probably missed it, but yes I took a bit of a bloggy break this week, and while I know some of you missed me, I am certain you all coped swimmingly without my daily rave. There wasn’t any reason for my absence other than the fact that I was feeling a bit ‘meh’ and since this blog is my happy place I decided to put it in quarantine until I got over it. It wasn’t just the blog that got the cold shoulder either, I pretty much avoided Facebook and Twitter too (oh the horror!) I just felt the need to have a little space and enjoy the Long Weekend fully focussed on my real life.

When Routine Becomes A Rut

I love a good routine, I like knowing what to expect and working to a plan. Once we established a routine for Skye I felt much more at ease because I knew what was suppose to be happening and when. Without routine and plans, I miss things, like paying the car insurance, or booking Bundy’s annual shots and this stresses me out. I am happiest when I have my whole week laid out so I can see where I am going long before I am suppose to be there. I don’t mind being busy, as long as I have booked it in, in fact, the busier the better. But what happens when your routine just becomes a rut?

When Did I Become A Grown Up???

I have had a rather unsettling revelation this week – apparently I am a grown up now. What gave it away you ask? No, not the fact that I will 30 soon, or that I have a mortgage or even that I have a child for that matter. The realisation came following a meeting with the bank to discuss Income Protection and Life Insurance which lead to the suggestion that Luke and I should have a Solicitor and (gulp) the writing of our Will’s. These things have been so far down on my list of priorities that they had never even rated a mention.

Image Credit

Grateful For… Turning Off The TV

Last week I read a post over at The Mummy Autobiography that was a bit of a kick in the pants, actually it was a much needed kick in the pants. The post discussed the over exposure small children have to television and some of the negative impacts this can have on their development and behaviour. Now I am not about to ban TV in our house, we are a family of couch potatoes and that is unlikely to change, but even I was noticing how much I come to rely on the TV for background noise and Skye has developed a nasty habit of asking for it to be turned on as soon as she gets up – I knew it was time to switch off, and I am so glad I did!

Where’s Daddy?

This post was supposed to arrive a little earlier today, but since I have been feeling a bit fuzzy with the flu I wanted to wait until I was able to write something meaningful. This post is also a little removed from my original topic, but I guess life is what happens while your writing blog posts in your head…

It occurred to me today that Luke has been working away for roughly 6 weeks now. At first it didn't seem like such a long time, if anything I think I have adapted pretty well to running my own schedule and we have been so busy on the weekends that I hadn’t really noticed the weeks ticking by.
Today however, it hit me.

Do Old Friends Belong In The Past?

A discovery this week has left me wondering about the life span of friendships. An old friend I had unknowingly drifted away from recently popped up on good ol’ Facebook and I was a little surprised by what I saw. So much has changed in the 5 short years since we had regular contact with each other I wasn’t even completely sure it was her. I was rattled by the fact that it had been so long since we had spoken and I had not even noticed.

Daddy Has To Go Away For Work :(

Luke is off today for a contract further up the coast, the job is expected to take 4 long months – YIKES! Thankfully he is still close enough to come home on weekends and because they have arranged a holiday house for the accommodation, Skye and I will be making the most of the lovely beachside location as much as possible too.

What I Have Learned Since Becoming a Mum

• Baby Wipes are the ultimate Multi-Purpose Tool, Napisan runs a close second. If you can’t fix it with Baby Wipes or Napisan, throw it out
  
• A breastfed baby may not object to the taste of your milk after a sweet chilli wrap, but you may object to being up with her the whole night because she has wind
  
• A dirty nappy thrown across the room WILL land inside out
  
• Toddlers are capable of consuming twice their body weight in snacks, 1 hour in to a full day out of the house
  
• If you think you have put something high enough to stop a small child from reaching it, you are wrong (refer below)

Not Sick–Just Whingey

The last couple of weeks have been somewhat unpleasant in our house. Skye had a bit of a virus followed by a bout of teething which has developed into a full blown case of I-Want-My-Mummy. After initially dismissing her uncharacteristically sooky behaviour I began to get concerned that she did in fact have some kind of serious illness I had not been aware of, so I booked an appointment with the doctor. I was actually starting to hope she had an ear infection or the like that would magically vanish once a dose of antibiotics kicked in – hold your Mother of the Year nominations till the end, please.

And All I Had To Do Was Ask!

I have been feeling a little undervalued of late and getting a bit resentful that so much of what I do seems to go unnoticed or unappreciated. Obviously maintaining a house and raising your children is a far cry from overcoming world hunger or curing terminal diseases, but Luke’s not doing either of those things either, so it won’t hurt him to get involved in the domestic duties occasionally. It’s the catch cry of mum’s around the world and sometimes it bothers me more than usual – this week was one of those weeks.

The Rise of the Closet Mummy Blogger

I recently wrote a post about keeping my blog on the quiet from some of my family and friends HERE and I was surprised by just how many of us are out there doing the exact same thing. It got me thinking about what it is about blogging that has become so appealing to Stay At Home Mum’s. For me it was really a chance to put in writing a lot of the thoughts and experiences I have had in my short time as a mum. I don’t for one minute think that I am exceptional in what I do or how I do it, I don’t have a large number of children to deal with or a particular gift for baking, craft, organising or decorating, I just hope to spread a little joy by sharing my stories.