Too Much Fun Can Be Bad For Your Sanity

The last few weeks we have had far too many of these kinds of incidents happening, both at home and when out and about. Skye has seemed highly strung, anxious and difficult. Constantly. It has made the whole family feel tense and frustrated and honestly it has not been fun to live with. It had reached the point where I was wondering if this was more than just a phase, I was beginning to wonder if there was some kind of behavioural issue we needed to identify.

Really I just needed some kind of validation it wasn't my crap parenting. 

I wanted to be able to say "It's not me, it's you". 

Going on holidays... so hard.

I mean really what is Skye's problem? She gets to do a lot of fun things. In between Preschool and swimming lessons and weekly visits from my mum there are regular play dates with friends and trips to the beach, we make play dough and cookies, we read stories and dance along with Giggle and Hoot.

Living the dream if you ask me.

Catching big fish... so hard.

But sometimes there can be too much of a good thing. 

Hey Mum, Can You Do This?

You know what I think the worst thing about being 3 is? It's not the constant talking, or the selective day sleeps or even the epic meltdowns. That shit I can handle. What I can't handle is the silliness. The general hell for leather flibitty jibbityness that goes on from the moment Skye's eyes are open to the moment her head hits the pillow. I know I should be enjoying her excited enthusiasm but honestly it's just bloody exhausting! 

                              

      

And dangerous.

Meltdown Mary

Have you ever had your child lose their shit in front of someone so spectacularly and so completely that you honestly do not know what to do? In such an instance have you ever responded in such an entirely unexpected and inappropriate way that you worry that said people may just question your abilities as a parent?

I have and I did. 

Usually I can see a meltdown coming. Believe me, in the last 3.5 years Skye has given me plenty of practice. Today, not so much. Today I was taken completely off-guard by how quickly we went from zero to inconsolable. 

A surprise attack.

One minute we were discussing my need to feed Hayden before we went outside to play in our friends new sandpit and the next minute I was being screamed at. Not about the sandpit though, oh no, that would be logical. I was being screamed at because I had forgotten to pack some DVD's for our play date as per our discussion earlier that morning. 

Yes. Sorry about that. It must have slipped my mind what with the packing for swimming lessons and remembering to post the final house plans to the builder and answering the urgent emails and how about JUST BE FUCKING HAPPY YOU ARE HAVING A PLAYDATE WITH YOUR FRIEND DAMNIT!

Even as far as Skye tantrums go, this was a pretty good one. There was arm flailing and leg stiffening and teeth gnashing. It was truly a sight to behold. 

Tantrum level: Exorcist.

Right when I thought she was about to vomit on herself I looked at her and I just could not help myself.

I laughed. 

And laughed.

In a nervous, guffawing, can't stop myself, maniacal kind of way.

This did nothing for Skye's fit of rage. 

She wasn't terribly coherent at this point but she did manage to get out an IT'S NOT FUNNY! Before throwing a couple of swings at me. 

This made me laugh even more.

Parenting level: DOCS

Had we been at home she would have been put in her room at the first shriek, but I had not expected her to put on such as show in someone else's home. The sheer ridiculousness of the whole thing caused me to freeze. 

Was this really happening? 

Why is this even happening? 

Why the hell do I bother trying to do fun things? 

At that point, I really should have taken her home and put her straight to bed but Hayden still needed to be fed and it was such a beautiful day outside I thought taking her out to the sandpit would calm her down.

That was my second mistake.

Turns out my friends excited, jumpy little Jack Russell terrier was more than she could handle and once again she was off. Thank God we were outside because the noise she was making would have been deafening indoors. 

This time there was no laughing. 

Admitting defeat I loaded the kids and my multitude of DVDless bags into the car, made my apologies and got the hell out of there. 

It took me an hour to drive the 10 minute trip home because Skye and Hayden both fell asleep before I hit the first corner and I sure as shit was not going to wake them up before they were ready!

Got any tips for dealing with mega tantrums? 

Have you ever been so floored by a child's meltdown that all you could do was laugh???

Newborns: Not So Scary The Second Time Around

Throughout my pregnancy with Hayden I worried about how I would cope with the newborn phase again. When Skye was born I wasn't hit with the instant overwhelming bond of mother and babe. I knew she was mine, I knew that I loved her, but she scared me. I felt a little lost and unsure as I am sure most first time mums feel. Even though my birth experience with Skye was by comparison straightforward and dare I say it, even easy, I felt that I had " failed" because we had required Ventouse. 

I struggled with breastfeeding, and swaddling and putting tiny hands in Wondersuits. But more than anything, I had not come to grips with the complete change to your every waking thought and movement a baby has. I spent much of those early months with Skye resenting the demands of a newborn and how unaffected those around me seemed to be. I put a lot of pressure on myself to get everything "right" and missed a little of the magic.

Skye was gorgeous but scary.

Picking my Battles

I have to admit, I'm not very good at picking my battles. I'm always worried if I let something slide once, I am doomed. I am also a firm believer in not backing down when I have said no, not matter how severe the tantrum, or how petty the argument may be.  As you can imagine, in my constant effort to establish my position of authority, we have had some spectacularly ludicrous battles. 

Now that Skye is old enough to enjoy arguing back and has mastered the art of the pester, I have had to change my approach slightly. 

If only to prevent myself from developing an ulcer.

Skye is nearly 4 which means day time naps still happen, but not every day, I run on more of an as needs basis and on the days they are needed, Skye will still sleep for 2 hours. Which is great until bedtime rolls around and she is still making requests for milk and cuddles and custard well past 9pm! On the days when she really should have had a sleep and for whatever reason doesn't, well, I am sure you know how pleasant an overtired 3 year old is by dinner time. Then, of course, there is always the risk of the Nap of Doom happening at 5:30pm. Nap of Doom is never a good thing.

Yesterday was a borderline day.

Newborns vs Toddlers - A Day At The Shops

When Skye was a newborn, the very idea of leaving the house with her terrified me. The first time I had to take her to visit the baby clinic nurse I was so anxious I packed the triple checked nappy bag and pram into the car the night before, and had my mum, who lives an hour away, come with me to make sure I didn't bugger up the whole car seat/pram biz on my first solo outing. I freaked out about nap and feed times clashing with appointments, stressed about whether there would be a parents room available if Skye needed a feed, and dreaded what I would do if she had a nappy explosion in the car.

As she got older, I began to realise just how straight-forward a trip out with a newborn actually is when compared to taking a toddler along as your shopping buddy. Not to mention the nappy bag overflowing with snacks and toys and dead flowers pinched from some beautifully landscaped display home.

To demonstrate my point I have put together a little timeline of a simple trip to a Shopping Centre requiring me to get some pyjamas / sleeping suits and some milk.

Going out with a newborn

Pack nappy bag.

Make sure you have twice as many nappies as you would think reasonable for a 3 hour trip, I like to run with about 8. You will also need wipes, disposable nappy bags, a full change of clothes with warm and cold weather options, a couple of wraps and if breastfeeding, be sure to check you packed your boobs.

Load baby into car.

Drive to destination listening to all of your favourite rude words songs while baby sleeps peacefully.

                                    

Arrive at your destination, load baby into pram, store nappy bag, enter Shopping Centre.

Baby will most likely want to be fed before you get started so grab a coffee and some kind of cake and find a parent room or quiet spot to feed baby.

Baby will most likely have filled their nappy during the feed so change baby, finish your coffee and head  towards your first shop. 

Purchase Wondersuits and Baby Sleeping Bag.

                                    

     

Realise baby has fallen asleep so take advantage and peruse a couple of other shops, buy yourself a cute pair of shoes then pick up the milk.

Sense baby is beginning to stir and return to car.

Load baby, pram, nappy bag and purchases into the car.

Drive home listening to all of your favourite rude words songs while baby sleeps peacefully.

Arrive home, feed and change baby.

Put baby to bed.

Have a coffee and unpack purchases and give yourself a pat on the back for a successful day out.

Going out with a toddler.

Pack nappy bag.

If toddler is still in nappies, pack as many as you would think reasonable for a 3 hour trip. I like to run with about 3. You will also need wipes, disposable nappy bags, a full change of clothes, a jumper, hat, dummy, blankie, a sandwich, apple, banana, sultanas, drink, muesli bar, le snack, grapes and a mandarin, don't forget the 3 most popular toys of the day including a ride on unicorn and a plastic cash register.

Load toddler and various paraphernalia into the car, it should take about 3 trips.

Drive to destination while fielding questions from your toddler about the rain, cat whiskers and why you have toes. Feed toddler the apple, muesli bar and drink. Sing the incy wincy spider eleventy billion times.

Arrive at your destination, almost crash your car because your toddler has asked you to LOOK AT THIS!!! as you are pulling into your parking space. 

Explain to toddler that daddy cannot get her out of the car because daddy is at work. 

Forcibly remove toddler from car and explain to toddler that she must go into the pram because it is too far to walk.

Forcibly secure toddler into pram, give toddler a sandwich, store nappy bag, find a space for the ride unicorn, enter Shopping Centre.

Toddler will most likely want to play in the play centre before you get started so grab a coffee and some kind of cake and move to the play equipment.

Surrender cake to toddler.

                                     

Toddler will most likely have filled their nappy during this time so go to parents room to change them. 

Head towards your first shop.

Give toddler a box of sultanas.

Purchase pyjamas, 4 pink t shirts, a pair of light up joggers, a plastic lion, a glitter hat and a lollipop. 

Realise toddler has tipped contents of sultanas onto the floor, continue walking. 

Quickly.

Sense toddler is about to crack it, return to the car.

Load toddler, pram, nappy bag, ride on unicorn and purchases into the car.

Drive home listening to your toddler complain that they want to get out.

See your toddler fall asleep as you turn into your street.

                                 

    

Attempt to transfer toddler into the house while still sleeping. Toddler will most likely wake up believing she has slept for 2 hours and does not require any more rest today. 

Attempt to make a coffee and discover you forgot to buy the milk.

Listen to over-tired toddler having a hissy fit because you put the grapes in the green bowl instead of the pink one.

Vow to make all future purchases online.

In the Calm of the Night

Today was a long day, actually it has been a long week. But today, today was the hardest. Skye is sick with a cold, nothing serious, but enough to make her short tempered and hard to reason with. Hayden, my usually placid, happy ray of sunshine had his 4 month (yes I said 4 month!) needles and whilst he took the whole process in his stride, as the day wore on, he was only going to be quiet if I was holding him. After a week of feeling like I just couldn't do enough, for enough people, quickly enough, my energy was spent. I had nothing left to give and I found myself counting down the clock, willing the day to be over.

I really hate to feel like that.

I hate feeling like I am just going through the motions.

I hate feeling ungrateful.

Today, I had a moment of ear popping rage that made me want to shout loud screamy swear words at Mr Bond so badly, for no other reason than I was worn down. But with one child finally asleep and the one likely to repeat my loud sweary words sitting right next to me, I held my tongue.

Just.

Now, as I sit in the quiet calm of the night, finally alone, able to breathe deeply for the first time today, the weight has lifted and my mind has cleared.

Today wasn't really so bad. Yes it was tough, but sometimes I think I expect too much.

Of course Skye is cranky and over sensitive, she is miserable from all the coughing and spluttering. She just wants her mummy, like everyone (including me, still) wants when they aren't feeling well.

Sometimes I forget she too is still very much a baby.

My first baby.

Of course Hayden wants to be held. He got two needles and a live vaccine this morning, it's completely normal for him to be feeling clingy. If this is my idea of him being difficult, I have a lot to be thankful for.

Now, with the lights dimmed and the TV low, I can remember feeling similar resentment at the constant needing when Skye was Hayden's age. The incessant physical contact, the round the clock alertness to duty, the feeling that as much as others may offer to help, it ultimately is on me to look after things. Only this time, I have the benefit of knowing how quickly the intensity of that dependence fades and how much I will miss it once its gone.

Now, with everyone sleeping soundly, I can recall that today I made Hayden laugh his first laugh, and the way his face lit up when he realised what he had done. I can recall that today Skye came home from Preschool beaming that she had made some new friends after weeks of saying that the other kids wouldn't play with her. I cannot tell you what a relief it was to hear the excitement in her voice.

Now, as I sit in the calm of the night, I realise that today, all my children asked of me was a little extra love, and if that's all they really needed, then today was a pretty good day after all.

Preparing for Baby Number 2

It's amazing how much a little experience can change the way you approach things and never is that more true than when you are preparing for the arrival of a new baby. I don't believe that I went overboard when preparing for Skye's arrival, but I would absolutely say that my priorities this time around are very different indeed.

While I was pregnant with Skye, I spent an excessive amount of time scrolling through post after post on Apartment Therapy searching for ideas for the perfect nursery. Probably the only thing that really kept me from going all out (aside from the money factor) was the fact that we didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl. It meant that I had to restrain myself when looking at clothing, bedding, toys, wall decorations and all that other fun stuff that has nothing to do with actually having a baby, but was my biggest fixation the first time around.

Prior to Skye's birth I did not even own a single Wondersuit. 

They horrified me.  

I could not think of a more daggy, boring item to dress my gorgeous new baby in than a towelling all-in-one whose design had not changed since before I was born. Besides, Skye was a Summer baby, what the hell would I need a Wondersuit for?

The second day in hospital in arctic frost air conditioning quickly changed my mind and I discovered they had the added bonus of making a newborn far easier to hold, velcro like even. A safety feature that cannot be underestimated when you are a sleep deprived first time parent.

The Simpsons Are Not The Ideal Parenting Tool

Remember the episode of The Simpson's where Reverend Lovejoy's daughter, Jessica, comes home, steals the Collection Plate money and leaves Bart to take the blame?

Image Credit

Ok, so if you're not an obsessive fan like me, this should still make sense.

Why Is It So Depressing To Be A Mother?

It's pretty common in the blogosphere that a theme or trend on posts will emerge, sometimes the influences are seasonal like gift ideas before Christmas or Summer weight loss journey's. Sometimes it is due to a current event or major news story. Other times it relates to underlying issues within society, an indication that something is wrong.

Image Credit

Lately I have seen a great many posts relating to Depression. Stories of women struggling, feeling lost and overwhelmed by the task of motherhood. Everyday I see another post about a mother beginning a course of anti-depressants or seeking counselling to help them overcome these issues. Thank God we have these options available to us to allow these mothers the opportunity to enjoy their children without being clouded by these feelings. A right we all have as parents. 

But it does concern me. 

It concerns me that the need for these tools seems to be increasing. What is causing mothers to be so depressed? Has it always been this way and we are just a generation more comfortable with acknowledging things are not perfect, or is it simply harder to be a Stay At Home Parent now? From my perspective, I believe that part of the issue lies in the archaic attitude that being a Stay At Home Parent does not constitute work.

Writers Block? No, Just Clingy Toddler.

So many posts, so little brain capacity. That's whats happening around here right now. I have roughly four half written posts waiting for me to make sense of them but every time I sit down to finish one my brain goes into sleep mode. 


So I give up and watch Real Housewives, or Jersey Shore (because that won't kill my brain cells).


The only thing that is really going through my head lately is Skye's voice, in various states of whine. 


The joys of a toddler going through a clingy phase.


She has had them before and no doubt will have them again. Generally they coincide with a new tooth and since she still has a couple of molars to come through, I suspect that is probably the cause. But my God, Skye seems to have found a whole new level of demanding this week after insisting that she shower with me while I tried to wash my hair. 


Not such a big deal except that she wanted me to hold her the whole time. 14kgs of slippery toddler and shampoo are not a good combination. 


Mr Bond is away for work again which means there is no one to share the load. Not that it would help anyway, Skye wouldn't even let Gran get her out of the car this week because 'mum do it'. 


Actually I think 'mum do it', would have to be the sentence of the week.


Skye, can you put your shorts on? 'Mum do it.'


Mr Bond tries to get Skye out of her cot in the morning 'Mum do it.'


Skye, can you take your socks off? 'Mum do it.'


Skye, who's turn is it to take you to bed? 'Mum do it.'


Mr Bond tries to assist by running the bath 'Mum do it.'


I know I am good, but I am positive other people are just as capable of these menial tasks as I am. 


It's starting to impact on my ability to retain anything for more than two minutes. Real conversations with adults see me drifting off mid-sentence, asking the same question over and over, or just forgetting what I was about to say because Skye requires me to pick her up.


I don't generally like to indulge her too much during these clingy phases, but I just don't have the mental capacity to think long term about my actions. I didn't even realise I was already wearing the pair of earrings I just spent half an hour searching for this morning so I doubt I am capable of proactive parenting.


Sigh.


Here's hoping the teeth come through soon and I can stop writing rubbish posts like this!

Babycino's, Fluffy Slippers and Car Strollers - The Essentials Of Car Servicing

This week it was time to get the car serviced. Oh the joy. When you live hundreds of miles (ok, like 20 minutes) from everything, it's just not practical to drop the car off and then try to get back home only to have to try and get back to pick the car up a matter of hours later. Plus, public transport is pretty much non-existent on the Central Coast of NSW, so our best option is to make a day of it at the nearby Westfield Shopping Centre. 


This time I thought I had it all planned out. After too many occasions where I thought I would be nice and tell them I had no particular time I needed the car back thus spending roughly 7 hours pacing up and down the same 5 stores waiting for my magic phone call, I had told them that I required the car back at lunchtime. We would go to the shops for a couple of hours and pick up a couple of things, then head home in time for a nap.


Perfect.


Never going to happen.

Honey, It's Just Not That Simple: A Case Study In Shoe Shopping

Why is it that when daddy has to take over for the day, things go off without a hitch? It's not that I want Skye to be a difficult screaming little monster when Mr Bond is in charge, lets face it, I want him to enjoy his daddy-daughter time (if only so they have more of it). But returning home to a peaceful house where everything has been just fine is a little unnerving. It makes all those tough days I complain about look like a total crock and I can't help feeling a bit useless. But I discovered that something even more disheartening than daddy and daughter having a nice day at home together is when they decide to go out and do something like shoe shopping successfully - now that's going too far!


While Clever Baker Friend and I were preparing Cake Pops for her Market Day the other week, we had handed over all child wrangling duties to Mr Bond and Running Man so that we could get through rolling eleventy billion pops in one day. To minimise the chaos, I left Mr Bond and Skye at home and headed over the Clever Baker's house to get on with the job. 


The morning had gone pretty well, and we were making good progress, but the kids were starting to get a little restless. Running Man had been perusing the papers in the living room when he announced that he was going to take both Mini Bakers with him to the nearest Myer because they were having a shoe sale. 

Managing Day Care / Life Balance With Toddlers

This year we started sending Skye to Day Care two days a week rather than just one. I wasn't really sure if it was necessary, and I did feel a bit guilty about it, but late last year she seemed to enjoy going an extra day when there was a vacancy and I figured it was better to take the spot while it was available with the option of dropping it if it was too much, rather than trying to get her an extra day when there were no vacancies. 


I won't lie, the idea of having two days to myself was pretty appealing too. At the time when the spot was offered, Mr Bond was still working away and it was getting close to Christmas so staying on top of everything was getting overwhelming.

Why Won't You Go To Bed???

Bedtimes are a real struggle here at the moment. Nothing seems to work, warm baths, dimmed light, keeping the house quiet, but no matter what I try, I am met with resistance and bedtime is becoming later and later each day. Of course, late bedtimes mean grumpy mornings and very long days of crankiness and constant eating. 


But despite my best efforts,  it seems I simply cannot go to bed at a reasonable hour, and I am exhausted!

The Top 10 Symptoms of 'Toddler'

Recently I have been struck down with a condition referred to in medical journals as Tiny Tornadoistis, but it is most commonly known as 'Toddler'. Symptoms may be mild or extreme depending on each individual case and can last for months or even years. There is no known cure for 'Toddler', but the condition will usually resolve itself in time. If you suspect that you, or someone you know is suffering from 'Toddler' here is a quick reference guide for the top 10 symptoms to look out for.

What do you mean you don't like my outfit?

Not My Finest Parenting Moment

Discipline has been a big issue in our house lately. Skye is making full use of her terrible two status and ensuring that even the simplest of instructions are met with resistance. Needing to change her nappy, or put a shirt on, or get in the car usually results in Skye running and hiding in the tiniest space she can find. Swipes to my face in protest are common when I try to speak to her about her behaviour and at times she will flat out ignore me as if I am not even in the same room. Nothing out of the ordinary for her age, but exhausting none the less.