Mr Bond has a rather unfortunate after-party trick that he brings out more often than anyone would like. After a big night out, he is likely to need to get up and use the toilet. Nothing out of the ordinary there, but apparently too much beer plays havoc with his internal GPS, which means that more often than not, he does not arrive at his intended destination. Instead, he makes use of outdoor pot plants, built-in wardrobes and on one particular occasion, our kitchen bin (which has since been replaced). The worst scenario is when this happens at someone else's (carpeted) house. After almost 12 years I have come to expect this and have developed a plan of attack to reduce the likelihood of awkward apologies the next morning. Sometimes though, my best laid plans fall short and when that happens I have to resort to vigilant surveillance.
Like last weekend.
After our fancy dress celebrations, we decided to stay at a friends house rather than risk waking everyone with our rowdiness at nannie's place. Our friends have a fairly recently built and very nice home and we had the privilege of having our own bathroom at the opposite end of the house to their master bedroom and ensuite (yes I hate them). In an effort to avoid any nocturnal water features being installed, I had left the bathroom light on hoping that he would make a direct trip to the bathroom without incident. But I know better than that, so when I heard him stir I watched quietly as he wandered out of the bedroom and began lingering suspiciously around the CD and DVD cabinets nearby.
For crying out loud! When was the last time you saw someone keep their music collection in the toilet???
I would have thought that alone would be enough to deter him, but apparently not.
I bellowed from the bedroom to go into where the light is, which he quickly did. Once finished, he then wandered into one of the 2 empty bedrooms on the opposite side of the hallway.
Now what is he doing? If he notices that drum kit I will have to kill him.
Great, now I have to get up.
As tempting as it was to let him sleep on the floor in another room while I enjoyed stretching out on the bed by myself, I knew I would spend the whole night worrying about him waking up again, so I called him back into the correct room and made sure he was asleep before putting my head down again.
The next morning I was exhausted from my all night stake-out. Sometimes I wonder why I bother trying to have a child-free night since Mr Bond manages to interfere with my sleep more than Skye does!