Monday, 30 January 2012

I Went To The Big Day Out And All I Got Was A Giant Flashing Phallus

This year Mr Bond and I celebrated Australia Day by going to our first ever Big Day Out. I have always wanted to go but for whatever reason (money, breastfeeding, sold out, bad lineups) never managed to get there before now. This year Soundgarden was one of the headline acts and keen to relive a bit of my angsty teenage grunginess I just had to be there. Excited would be an understatement.


Since beer and I are STILL not on good terms I opted to not drink rather than risk spending my entire day desperately waiting in toilet queues. It wasn’t much of a loss anyway since the only beer available was mid-strength (festival edition, ha!) cans. So I stuck to my $6 bottles of water and soaked up the atmosphere of merriness surrounding me. Aside from a few girls vomiting into bins at the end of the day it was actually far tamer than I had anticipated. Disappointingly so.

The lack of booze didn’t make me any more sensible however. I managed to get severely sunburned after spending a whopping 30 minutes in the sun. Its at the highly attractive blistering and peeling stage at the moment.



I can’t let a post about the Big Day Out go by without some kind of comment regarding the fashions. Yes I realise that I am probably a little older than the average BDO’er and therefore my opinion on what is fashionable is irrelevant but COME ON! The high-waisted denim shorts with bonus bum-cheek exposure weren’t really my cup of tea, particularly when teamed with bedazzled bra tops and nothing else, but hey, when you are young and tiny you may as well embrace it. I do however draw the line at the alarming number of beige hot pants that were wandering around, I may be showing my age but they reminded me of Bridget Jones enormous underwear. It was as if they had raided granny’s spanx drawer and just forgot to put something over it. I defy even Miranda Kerr to make that look work.

I know you are dying to hear about why I have mentioned a dildo in the title so I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. After visiting the Boiler Room a couple of times we realised that we needed some sort of glowing dance accessories. Originally the plan was to pick up a few glow sticks, but then one of our group spotted a sword and glow sticks just weren’t flashy enough. Its a pity that we didn’t get a full body shot of this one since it looked far more like something that you would pick up from a seedy back alley adult shop, complete with odd ball on one end.

It was also a pain in the arse to dance with.


My deepest regret is not having my camera at the ready so I could have shared Mr Bond’s dance moves. He had contained himself all day but lost all control when Art vs Science played Magic Fountain. Words really cannot describe what a vision of uninhibited motion he is in these moments and the closest I could get to describing it would be a chicken in a hoe-down, with a chain-saw.

I bet you are glad I don’t have any footage now…

Instead I am sharing a few YouTube clips of my favourite acts from the day.


Soundgarden - Spoonman

Art vs Science – Magic Fountain

The Living End – West End Riot (best live performance all day)

Drapht – Jimmy Recard

Nero – Promises (I need more Dubstep in my life)

Bluejuice – I Ain’t Telling The Truth

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