Seriously, Who Let That In The House?

It has been a journey of discovery packing up this house. The things you uncover from the depths of cupboards, things you don't recall ever acquiring and you sure as hell don't ever use. Worst of all, despite your total lack of interest or purpose for these items you are compelled to keep them on the off chance that someone will remember they gifted it to you all those years ago and be deeply offended that they found their way to the donation box, or better yet, the garbage truck. 

So instead I am going to out them on my blog and hope to hell they don't get the email update for today.

I have talked before about my issue with acquiring ugly things before, sadly that dinner set is still with us, waiting patiently in a storage container for the time when it can taunt me with it's useless obligation once again. Since then however, I have discovered even uglier and even less useful items skulking around in my cupboards.

Now I know the question on everyone's lips since I posted it on Instagram before the  move is "What the hell is that wooden phallus on a plaque about?!?!" In case you missed it, I would be referring to this...

Do you really want me to caption this?

Disturbing isn't it?

That's certainly what I thought when I unwrapped this part first of a 2 part Christmas present from Mr Bond's brother a few years ago. But it turns out that it wasn't nearly as bad as you would expect and given Mr Bond's love of all things fishing, it was definitely appropriate. You can imagine my relief when I opened the second part of the present and realised it was purely to hold this up.

You can still see it can't you?

I still have my suspicions that we were only gifted the Barra in the first place so that I have a wooden mounted todger displayed in my home.

Something that has become abundantly clear to me since we packed up our house is that people see us as "animal" people. Yes, Mr Bond grew up on a farm with a whole menagerie of animals around him (including ferrets, but that's another story all together), but do I really come across as the kind of person who keeps a variety of bird life decor in her home? No? I wouldn't have thought so either, but the evidence would suggest otherwise.

Bird anyone?

But we are not just limited to fish and birds around here. How about a little leopard print for the bedroom? It's totally in this season.

Do I make you horny, baby?

I could go on, but unfortunately I "re-homed" many items before I thought to take pictures. In hindsight though, it's probably a good thing I didn't as it will no doubt come back to bite me. 

Or maybe peck me, to be more precise.

Did you know uber-awesome Jess from Diary of a SAHM is now living at Essentially Jess? It's where you need to go for your weekly #iBOT fix. You can also find her on Facebook here so be sure to pop over and make her feel welcome in her new home - she loves visitors x