To-Do lists are integral to my sanity. I love the satisfaction of writing a long list of task’s and seeing them whittled down. Plus, I have the attention span of a goldfish so if I don’t write things down, they just won’t get done. Just to add to the crazy, I don’t cope very well when plans get changed last minute, I’m very comfortable in my routines and don’t really “do” adapt. But today I could see that my routines and lists were not going to happen. Skye has been a bit out of sorts over the last couple of weeks, she has had a couple of teeth cut through and seems to be going through a bit of a clingy stage which means I am spending much of my day picking up and soothing her and listening to many, many screams of protest over pretty much everything. Daddy simply doesn’t cut it either, usually my boisterous tomboy wants to rough house with Luke the moment he walks through the door, but right now she want’s her mummy, end of discussion.
In theory, my Wednesday was suppose to look a little like this:
7:00am breakfast, changing, dressing etc.
8:40am swimming lessons
9:30am Skye bath and back to bed for a nap (swimming really knocks her out)
9:45am quick home workout, shower, housework
11:30am mum arrive
12:30am Skye wake up, lunch and out to do some shopping
4:30pm mum heads home
6:30pm bath / bed for Skye and more cleaning
8:00pm bookwork and invoicing
10:30pm bed (probably more like midnight)
But things rarely go to plan if you are crazy enough to write them down or say them out loud. The bad weather has been wreaking havoc on most of our planned activities in the last week. Mum had intended to visit but because of the heavy rain we decided it was best for her not to travel the hour on the freeway. Swimming also got cancelled because I wasn’t keen on the idea of standing outside in the bucketing rain while Skye screamed for 15 minutes about being in a pool with someone other than me – selfish I know. I was looking at another long day inside with a bored, grumpy, teething toddler, not a promising prospect.
After grizzling her way through her breakfast, and mine (piggy) and a little dancing to Play School, it was time for Skye’s nap. Despite seeming quite sleepy and being ready to have her nap by 10am every other morning, she was resisting. I could feel myself getting anxious about all the housework, accounts, emails, phone calls etc. that I needed to get to, but I fought my inner control freak and sat on the rocking chair in Skye’s room and started to sing to her. Initially she cooperated but as soon as I stopped singing she was bolt upright pointing at toys, books, ceiling fans, anything. I shifted in the chair, stroked her hair and kept rocking all the while toying with the idea of throwing her in the cot to scream it out, suddenly she laid her head on my shoulder and was asleep. I could have easily put her in her cot now and got on with my other duties but as I listened to the rain outside and felt her warm breath against my neck I sat back and continued to rock. The tension melted away in an instant as I closed my eyes and soaked up the feeling of contentment.
Skye has never been a very cuddly baby, she is quite happy in her own space - just put me in the cot and leave me alone thanks mum, your work here is done. So I took my opportunity to enjoy this rare quiet cuddle. It reminded me of when I used to sit in that same chair and breastfeed her before bed, tuned out from the rest of the world in contented silence. We stayed like that for nearly an hour before she stirred and wanted to stretch out in her own bed. I carefully laid her down and tip-toed out. Yes, I came back out of that room and was met with the chaos once again, but I felt refreshed, the mess didn’t seem so bad now. No, I may not have achieved everything I had set out to do that day, but it didn’t matter. That beautiful unplanned moment bought me so much joy and a far greater sense of satisfaction than any completed list ever would. All the “stuff” is going to be there again tomorrow, and the next day, but I may have to wait much longer to enjoy another special quiet moment with my little girl.